Numbers 21:4-9; John 3; 14-21  You Want me to What? E/DC March 26, 06

1. I had just come from the Sanhedrin, a place that has been life giving in our oversight of the faith-life of our people.  My brothers of the Sanhedrin and I have dedicated our lives to keeping the Law of the Holy One, Blessed Be.  One of our responsibilities is to examine anyone suspected of being a false prophet.  I volunteered to meet with Jesus of Nazareth, the one who caused such a stir in the temple the other day.  There was a lot of grumbling amongst my colleagues about this young upstart from the north, with his strange ways and very questionable teachings and blatant disregard for rules.

2. I just don?t know what to think.  There?s something about this man I can?t dismiss as easily as they want to.  I want to check it out thoroughly and first hand.  I don?t believe God has finished speaking to the people.  What if this is indeed God?s voice?

3. I decided to go at night, partly out of respect.  The young Rabbi would have more time in the evening, undisturbed by the crowds.  He?d be studying the Law and the Prophets, and we?d be able to really talk.  Actually it was partly out of prudence.  Until I really check this guy out, I don?t want people thinking I?m running enthusiastically after every upstart prophet!

4. As I came up to the gate, I was anxious.  The young woman where he was staying invited me in.  She showed me to his room.  Jesus was very generous.   ?Welcome Nicodemus.?  I thought I?d begin tactfully!  ?Rabbi, we know you are a teacher that has come from God. We couldn?t help being impressed with the signs you?ve done, turning water into wine, driving the merchants out of the temple.?  Jesus interrupted that the signs and wonders he?d done weren?t really important.  He pointed where he was reading.  ?The important thing is to be born anew!?   Wow!  Whatever happened to small talk?  I blurted out, ?How is that possible?  How can anyone be born after growing old??  I thought about my little old bent over mother, and I asked, ?Can one enter a second time into a mothers womb and be born?

5. He was pretty patient!  He said, ?You know I mean the kind of change in your inner life that could only be described as new birth.  He showed me where he?d been reading in Ezekiel 36, and of course I knew it well.  Together we read where Ezekiel bluntly tells his people, ?You can?t do it as you are, not with that stony heart, so cold and hard, so impossible for goodness to touch.  But God can make you a new personality, with a different nature and a heart of flesh, warm and sensitive, shrinking from evil; one that feels the hurt of another?s suffering, and responds to the holy One?s touch.?  Those words from scripture as always touched my heart with longing and frustration.?

6. I fairly exploded, ?You talk about being born anew; you talk about this radical change which is so necessary.  I know that it is vital; but in my experience, it is impossible.  There?s nothing I would like more?.I just can?t do it.?  He looked up, intent, fully aware what an important moment it was.

7. ?What stops you?? he asked.  I stumbled and stammered and finally managed to say, ?I know I?m a sinner ? I?ve tried to keep the commandments, and I?ve kept the appearances, but I have sinned, and there?s times the guilt I feel is so overwhelming, nothing will give me peace.  I feel like the psalmist, who is so despairing, so weighed down.  I?ve lost heart.  I can?t go back and live my life over.  This is what I?ve made of life and it can?t be changed.

8. But that?s the whole point!? exclaimed Jesus.  ?What we can?t do on our own, God can do.?  ?How??  I demanded.  ?Ah,? he said, ?It is like the wind, unpredictable, mysterious.  The wind comes cleansing, invigorating, refreshing ? and so God breaks in ? with Spirit that we cannot control.  We can?t see the wind, but we see what it does.?  ?You make it sound so easy,? I complained.

9. ?I?m sorry,? he said, ?I would never trivialize your struggle.  But it is at once that easy, and that hard.?  You have created this reality in your mind that you cannot change and therefore you can?t!  It?s like our ancestors, one of the times they were grumbling in the desert.  Their fear and cynicism had created a place that was unsafe, even death bringing.  Their fear created the reality of their journey.  The snakes couldn?t be removed, but they could be redeemed.  On God?s request, Moses placed an image of the snake on his staff, and called the people to look up to this symbol, and turn their thoughts to God.  When they did that, they were healed.  They had to face the symbol of their fear before they could overcome it.  You too must face your fear of change before you can be healed of your paralysis.  Remember ? you just have to do the first two parts ? the looking and the lifting up.  God does the healing.  Then you will experience eternal life.

10. ?Tell me what you mean by eternal life,? I asked.  ?It?s a gift from God,? he began.  ?And when we receive it, every relationship in life is enveloped with peace.  1) We are at peace with God ? we don?t fear an angry or punishing judge, but know the strength and comfort of a relationship based on love.     2) We are at peace with life, believing the Holy One is working all things for good, when we love God.   3) We have peace with ourselves ? from what you said you are your own worst enemy!  You know your weaknesses, your temptations, and the demands of your life.  When you accept eternal life, you let go of those burdens, knowing they are shared with One whose strength is more than enough.  4) We?re at peace with others.  Once we accept forgiveness, we see others as God sees them, and with compassion we too can forgive.  It?s life at its fullest.

11. ?You know,? he went on, ?We get caught in thinking life?s just about survival.  It?s not.  It?s about recognizing life as a gift.  I?ve been watching my friend?s baby as I stay in their home.  She?s at that delightful stage where everything is beautiful, exciting, to be touched and tasted to the full.  She goes to sleep, wakes up smiling, prepared to be amazed again.  Babies understand life in abundance!?

12. ?What happens to us?? we wondered.  Perhaps the ?no?s?, the rules, the putdowns.  We stop adoring loveliness, laughter, holiness, and simplicity.  Some are wounded, some taught to fear.

13. ?So what do we do?? I demanded.  Jesus was quiet a long while and then said, ?I think we have to concentrate on how much God loves us.?  I want to believe that, ?But why is it so hard to look on love, and believe it is for me??  Then I remembered my brother?s daughter came to live with us for a while.  She had lived through things no child should.  My wife, whose heart could expand to gather in the world, poured out her love.  Within a few short weeks, the girl said she had to leave.  Oh, there were lots of reasons, excuses really, but it seemed from what she said later, that she couldn?t live with the love.  She had come to accept criticism and brutality as her lot.  Love therefore was unbearable.  That?s what I?m doing with God?s love isn?t it?  I?m not able to bear it.?

14. ?So what do I do?? I was getting desperate.  ?I think,? he said, you?re in a wilderness time, just like our grumbling ancestors.  What God provides often isn?t just what we?re looking for.  But we need to stay in touch with the Source of our strength, the Holy One, Blessed Be.  Remember the initiative comes from Yahweh ? and it is for everyone!  Pray to be open to receive that love.  Accept forgiveness.  Don?t listen to the voices that keep saying you?re not worthy.  Practice giving and receiving love with people ? it gets easier with practice!  Be prepared to be surprised.  As always, God is doing a new thing ? maybe even through me!?  I looked at him quickly and caught the twinkle in his eye.  He knew why I?d come.

15. It?s easy to sit around discussing these things ? and much harder  - and fulfilling to live them, experience them, embrace the love.  You?re free to choose ? the torment you?ve been living - without eternal life; or the peace, the new life, eternal life in God.?

16. I looked up, startled at his bluntness.  I thanked him for his time and left with my heart and mind reeling.  I want to believe him.  I want to experience that love, that forgiveness, that abundant life.  I only know I do not accuse him, and I will be back.