Ephesians 4: 25-32       Rules of Love or Where Love Rules          Aug.13, 06

1. Have you ever accidentally cut someone off while driving, or forgot to signal, or driven too slow looking for a street?  And had someone behind you get so angry you were afraid?  We have a name for it now.  Road rage.  And for some people it seems that now there?s a name for it, it?s ok.  We were coming home on the perimeter one time and who knows what Blane did, but suddenly there?s a man beside us shaking his fist and shouting as he drives with the other hand.  He followed us off the perimeter, and turned each time we did.  Sometimes he was beside us and sometimes close behind or in front.  Blane wisely didn?t go home, but went to the Safeway lot near where some employees were having lunch, so there were witnesses.  At last he went away.  Hockey rage.  Soccer rage.  There?s nothing ok about such anger is there?

2. Carol Tavris in her book, Anger the Misunderstood Emotion, has some helpful thoughts on our current difficulties with anger.  Carol?s research shows that only the first ten seconds of anger are spontaneous.  A sudden burst to let us know something is wrong.  After that, whatever continues is because we are rehearsing and nursing that anger.  Going over and over it.  Keeping it warm and polished up. All the techniques like hitting a mattress or running or throwing things or yelling at the person, are only helpful if there?s a deliberate letting go in the process.  Otherwise you may have just made the anger stronger by going over and over it.  It is just as harmful to stuff the anger inside, as it will likely explode later, if we were still rehearsing it in our own head, or telling others.  ?Can you believe what he did??  It continues to eat away if we don?t deal with it or let it go.  As we continue our August look at relationships, dealing with anger in a healthy way in home and community is definitely on our agenda.

3. I?m sure the early church didn?t have road rage.  Imagine, ?Your sandal kicked up a stone!?  But problems with anger they did have!  Paul has a lot to say about anger and how they may deal with it differently and faithfully.  First of all he differentiates between kinds of anger.  Bursts of bad temper, irritability and long-term anger are always indefensible.  Is there ever an appropriate anger?  Absolutely.    The right kind of anger is the anger that is channeled to bring change.  Anger that was channeled to stop the slave trade or enable women to vote.  Anger at any kind of abuse that is used to stop an abusive relationship.  Anger at senseless suffering and death used world wide these last weeks to put pressure on our government and the UN to bring a cease fire between Israel and Lebanon and for UN troops to enforce it. 

4. Jesus, the One we turn to for how to live faithfully, is recorded to have expressed anger clearly when the authorities were rigid in imposing unnecessary suffering over a man with a withered hand.  And when the priests were lining their pockets while the poor couldn?t worship because they couldn?t afford even a few pennies for a sacrifice.  He used his anger to bring change.  The Bible speaks against anger that is selfish or uncontrolled.  If it is hurtful to others or ourselves we are called to put it under control.  The anger the Bible invites is selfless anger, disciplined into the service of Christ.  If it?s about me, I need to deal with the situation and let it go.  If it?s about justice for another, I use that energy, change it and strategize to work for change.

5. And when we do get angry, as we will, Paul gives that well known advice, ?Don?t let the sun go down on your anger.?  This is well known in terms of our married partners, but it was originally written about the church community.  Another Jewish Rabbi wrote that we should never go to sleep with a bitter thought about another in our mind.  And we can see the wisdom.  The longer we postpone mending a quarrel, the less likely we are ever to mend it.  If we know we are wrong we can ask God?s help to admit it.  If we are right, we can ask God to give us the graciousness to take the first step to make things right.  That?s what it means to know we are children of God.  We know that reconciliation is our task.  No matter who is right or wrong.

6. Paul goes on with more help as we seek to build up the relationships in our lives.  ?Give no room to the slanderer.?  The Greek word diablos can equally mean devil or slanderer. We want to give no room to either.  As we look at relationships in our community, let?s reflect for a moment on the effect of slander.  How do we share our concerns about others, and what is gossip or slander?  Perhaps it is intention that makes the difference.  Is it just to have something to say?  Or worse to put someone down we have unresolved anger with?  Is our intention to tell something so the other person can respond with caring?  Or to ask help with how we may care?  Paul later says that we are to think about whether our words will help or harm the other person.  That?s likely the key to whether it?s slander or caring.

7. We are to labour and work hard, so we have something to share with the needy.  Have you ever thought that was why you worked hard?  Arnold Bennett, a successful novelist, wrote to another writer he didn?t know well, but knew was struggling.  ?I have just been looking at my bankbook; and I find that I have a hundred pounds which I don?t need; I am sending you a cheque herewith for that amount.?  Did you know there are more than 2100 references to the poor in Scripture?  Way more than any other matter.  God is deeply concerned for those in need. How do we show that concern?

8. Paul goes on.  ?Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God.?  Interesting isn?t it?  We start off to improve relationships because we see the need for ourselves and those we are in relationship with.  Have you ever thought about making changes so we don?t grieve God?  We understand the idea though as we think of being children of God, and how we feel as parents or grandparents or teachers or aunts and uncles when children make choices we know will be hurtful to them.  Or how we feel when we know we?ve grieved another.

9. Paul sums up this whole section with the glue that holds the faith community together ? forgiveness and love.   God?s love and forgiveness of us that transforms us to live life in its fullness.  Transformed, we share love and forgiveness with others.  It?s what makes it possible for us to let anger go, to be able to seek reconciliation whether we caused the division or not.  To consider whether our words will help or harm someone, to share with those in need.  Let us make this community one where we not only know the rules of love, but most importantly, make it a place where love rules.