Radical Relationship 2: Unconditional Love    E/DC     Feb.12/06

1.      Radical Relationship, the second of our February series.  Unconditional Love: the parable of the father and his two sons.  It doesn?t get any more radical than this!  Jesus saying, ?Let me tell you my family values!?  I was once planning worship with a Gr. 7-9 group on this parable of the 2 sons. Acting it out twice: once as scripture read; once modern.  Interesting!  It was partly their age; they wanted the young man to die a horrible, gory death in a far country.  It was partly their experience.  We wrestled long and hard to have it anywhere close to the Biblical story.  ?My parents would kill me!?  ?There?s no way they?d welcome me back like that.?  I was devastated ? for them.  I wondered what would happen if I?d done the same exercise with their parents?  It seems to be one of the hardest truths for people to get.  Why is that? 

2.      Well first of all, the father didn?t act like any father in those days.  It was meant to be shocking.  He was running, which father?s never did.  And before he even knew if his son was sorry!  And the younger brother didn?t act like any son in those days.  He asked to have his part of the inheritance, and his father is still alive.  It was a real slap in the face.  It was like saying his father was already dead.  Then this son lost all the money.  But he smartened up, decides he knows his father.  A man who treats his servants well.  He could go back as a servant and be better off.  He comes back with humility, ready to work as a servant.

3.      The elder brother ? acted like any dutiful son or daughter in those days.  He stayed home.  Worked hard.  So hard, he took no time off for re-creation and fun.  Even though the farm was now his.  The property was divided between the sons, remember?  And the elder son resented his brother like crazy.  So much so that when he came back, the elder refused to come in to the party.  He makes up things about how his brother spent his money.  There were no e-mails in those days, and no snail mail either.  He couldn?t know.  He also didn?t know his father.  He can?t understand how he can love and welcome back this obviously guilty undutiful son.  He has no humility, is still thinking - at least I?m not like him!

4.      If I asked which of these three characters you most identified with, I wonder how many of us would choose this elder sibling?  Most of us have a really hard time with this story because of this identification.  I was once asked what was hardest for me to do to live faithfully.  This story represents one of the hardest.  I was the elder sister par excellence.  When I was very young I took over the responsibilities of running our family home while going to school.  My older brother and younger sister seemed to do practically nothing.  I worked hard, but my resentment was even harder.  I received lots of appreciation and love, but like the elder brother it was never enough, could never be enough to thaw that icy block of resentment.

5.      Now I understand that the elder brother and I have lots of company finding this story difficult.  A colleague told a story of how his family had interpreted the program of tough love.  At its best it is setting firm limits and consequences ? with love.  Incredibly important.  One of his sons had a great number of problems.  He had just run away, and not the first time.  He had now just returned.  This minister told proudly how they had used this parable to deal with him.  His mother made his favourite dinner.  The rest of the family sat down to eat.  He was not allowed to eat.  Now there need to be consequences!  But this was tough minus the love. They missed the whole point of the parable.  The party is supposed to be for him!

6.      In sharp contrast, another family had a very difficult time with a son as well.  In searching for his identity and rejecting theirs, there were many painful times.  Finally he stole money from their account and ran away as a late teen.  Eventually there was contact after weeks of anxious wondering.  He ended up in BC with his sister and they were grateful to know he was all right.  Then came the time he wanted to come home.  He was told he?d be very welcome, and there was some unfinished business between them - broken trust, deep hurt and stolen money.   Their conditions were that they all do mediation counseling to deal with the broken relationship and to set up a plan as to how the money would be repaid.  This was tough plus love.  The mediation was set up.  Money was repaid over some time, and some years later they have a great relationship with their son, his wife and their grandchildren.

7.      But what of the elder brother?  Is there room for him too?  His father came out and began to plead with the elder one to come in to the party too.   A party was an important symbol of the kindom for Jesus.  For this father it will not be complete without having both sons.  ?Son you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours.  But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life. He was lost and has been found.?  But it?s equally important to this father that this elder son enter into the kindom too.  And he can see that this son is walking around dead and lost, every bit as much as the younger had been.  Dead and lost because he can?t feel anything ? not compassion or joy or love for that icy lump of resentment inside of him.  The father wants him to be set free from being dead and lost.  Free to feel love and joy ? to celebrate life in its fullness ? to be part of the kindom!

8.      In the Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, a young woman and her mother have a very tempestuous relationship.  Sidda, the young woman has spent years in therapy trying to work through the realities of abuse.  She wants nothing to do with her mother.  Her mother responds in anger.  Her mother?s friends can see that neither woman is free for love or joy, and take it on themselves to kidnap Sidda and leave her to read of their lives and Ya Ya friendships. She is reminded of the loving, creative mother she once adored.  She has the opportunity to learn about the realities of her mother?s life and illness.  She can then choose to understand and accept that her mother was doing the best she could.  Sidda is then able to come to her mother?s birthday.  She wants to apologize to her mother, but her mother wants simply to tell her.  ?I wondered what I would say, if I ever got to speak to you again.  I could say all the nasty things I?m so good at.  Then it came to me.  I had prayed, begged, demanded that God send me whatever would make me better, healthy, perfect.  And I didn?t see God had already sent you.  Perfect just as you are!?

9.      And what of the elder brother/sister in real life?  Is there room for us too?  I?d say from my experience an overwhelming, ?Yes!?  You see I know that icy lump well.  And the difficulty to participate in the kindom with love and joy and life in its fullness.  I used to ask, what is the problem as long as the work gets done?  There?s nothing wrong with duty.  Of course not, unless it comes along with resentment.  Then that resentment becomes the great big block between the dutiful one and God.  And that separation is sin.  You see God has this problem.  Sin is sin.  It isn?t divided into really big sins and not so big sins.  It?s anything that separates us from God.  We could see it as any failure to love ? God, self or others.  God has created us so that we?re not whole, certainly not happy, till we recognize we have the potential for being both elder and younger child.  Of course, some of us need more of a wakeup call than others.  It seems I needed to mess up big time like the younger brother, before I could let go of my judging and self-righteousness.  I did my best to make amends and learned that in spite of the things I could never fix, I could go on.  But it was only when I let the icy lump of resentment thaw that I could receive God?s love and forgiveness ? offered all along.  Then I could come willingly and joyfully into the party prepared by God.  With new energy, meaning, and purpose.  Life in its fullness now could be enjoyed and shared.

10.   Loving in this radical way, God?s way, is one of the hardest things we?ll ever do.  And the single most important thing.  It?s not for the feint of heart.  It takes enormous courage.  Like the younger brother, we need the courage to admit when we?ve been wrong.  Then do what we can to make amends.  We need to accept that God loves and accepts us long before we can even open ourselves to receive it.  Like the elder brother our hard work is letting that lump of resentment thaw.  So we don?t need to judge others or compare ourselves to others.  Then we are free to experience the wonder of love and acceptance.  Freed to let love flow through us unconditionally to others.  Freed to experience God?s unconditional love ? the very power that enables our loving unconditionally.