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Healing Our Dying

2 Kings 2: 1-2, 6-14      Healing Our Dying            June 27 2005 1) Elijah had a problem. He knew he was dying and he really cared about the young Elisha who he hoped would take over his ministry after him. When he tried to talk to him about his death, Elisha begins his grieving by denying his friend is dying. Elijah knew what it would take for his disciple to carry on this great work. If Elisha stays too long in denial he won't have the energy he needs for the huge job of leadership ahead of him. What to do? 2) ?Tell me,? he said to Elisha, ?What I may do for you, before I am taken from you.? While not ignoring or softening reality, Elijah gently directed Elisha to think of what he needed in order to say good-bye. Elisha responded immediately. ?Please let me inherit a double portion of your spirit.? It would not have seemed a strange request at the time. It was the customary inheritance for a firstborn son. To become the strong leader needed, he was asking to be seen as Elijah's spiritual son. Elijah agrees. But Elisha must present, so that he will face the stark reality. 3) Elijah's honest response in the midst of his dying to help Elisha deal with his grief, reminded me of the opportunities we often have to ask friends or family in their dying what they need. To help them let go of life. It is also an opportunity to look at our own living and dying so we can live fully alive. Another benefit to that honesty is that we can best help someone who is dying if we have faced our own death squarely and aren't hooked on our own unresolved issues. 4) It won't surprise you that forgiveness of others, and self is high on the list of things to ask about. The need to forgive or be forgiven is one of our most frequent spiritual needs. A chaplain had gone into emergency where a man was dying. His face was grimaced tight; he writhed around and moaned though he said he was not in pain. The staff was stymied. It seemed there was something holding him back from dying. After a time when nothing else helped, Gaston said, close to his ear. ?God forgives you and so do I.? The man immediately stopped thrashing, and a peace came over him that was remarkable. In a few minutes he was able to die. a) Think of those who have hurt you. Is there someone you need to forgive? b) Where in my life do I need forgiveness? 5) The unique gifts and experiences of the person is another area to listen for. The idea here is to help the person give away the things they want to make sure are not lost: music, lesson plans, photos, tools, recipes, or something they have created. A woman with very young children was dying. In conversation one day it became evident that one of the hardest things was that she wouldn't be able to pass on the wisdom she'd accumulated. She decided to write letters to each of her children to be opened at graduation and wedding days. a) Think of what has been given to you to hand on. Who could use them? How will you do that? b) Think of 3 people who have been important in your growth of character. Have you told them? 6) Of course, people want to take care of those they love. The need may be to say good-bye or I love you. We listen for what they need to say and to whom, and if they need help to do it. Edith's lungs were filling with fluid. For two days she'd not been able to talk. Family had gathered for what was likely the last hours. The young people's grief was very evident. The chaplain asked them if there was anything they wanted to tell their mom. ?Like what?? They were teens. ?Some people want to say they're sorry. Or I love you. Whatever you need to say.? Through tears they each told her their deep feelings. Miracle of miracles she was able to say, ?I love you too.? a) Think of those it is hardest to say good-bye to. b) What do I wait to say? c) What do I wait to have said? Now what am I waiting for!?! 7) Being present to someone in such a way they may share their struggles without judgment or condemnation. Mrs. S. defiantly told the chaplain, ?I no believe in God anymore. ?Oh.? She looked with surprise. ?You no get mad at me?? ?No,? I took her hand. She clung to mine. ?Lotsa people they get mad I say that.? ?I'm not angry. Tell me about it.? Out it all poured - her anger and loss. She realised it was actually because she believed in God that it mattered to her that she was angry. She came to see that God could take her anger. In the acceptance she could work through it. a) Are there questions you have for God? Who are you most comfortable helping you wrestle with them? b) Are you afraid of death or of how you will die? One man's fear was relieved when the doctor assured him his pain could be controlled. 8) In the last days, to be especially aware of creature comforts. Spooning ice chips, holding a dying man's hand, wiping away the perspiration on someone's face, moistening lips. There is a sacramental quality to these ministrations. We can also ask ourselves: a) Where do I want to die? b) Who would I like to be there? c) What would I like each of these people to do for me? d) Are there any things I would like close by? 9) Another gift we can give is to be willing to listen to their life story. Peter found he had two weeks to live. For the first week he was still able to carry on pretty normally. Everyone he could corner at church or in the grocery store, he astounded with his need to tell about his dying, his life, and his deep gratitude. Some of us had to stretch our comfort level to give him the gift of listening. a) What were the happiest moments in your life? b) If you were given a choice to live life over again, what would you choose once more? c) What do you want others to remember about you? 10) This is hard work. It can seem morbid, or the opportunity to heal our own dying. To really face death enables us to truly live, or to die in peace. That is a beautiful gift to ourselves or to those we love. We can be truly with them in their dying, not hooked by our own unfinished business. My friend's Dad knew he was dying. Several months ago, he was not ready. He was fortunate he had people who could help him name and do what he needed to do to get ready. One Sunday all the family was together. He said to them, ?Pray that my time will be short.? By Monday noon he had died. 11) There was a man who was an eloquent speaker and charismatic leader. So much so that he got so tired of the crowds, and of everyone wanting a word from him, that he went off into the desert and vowed to never speak again. Just to pray and meditate. As he lay thinking, another man crawled up to the oasis close to death. From parched lips, he begged the first man to speak to him. Finally in frustration, the dying man pleaded, ?A word, a word, for God's sake a word.? The other man wasn't sure after all these months if his vocal chords would even work. From somewhere deep inside a sound came that sounded like ?Yes.? He moved to hold the dying man in his arms. When he could have died dead, he died alive. These are the gifts God gives us. Wisdom, strength, honesty and love to be fully present to each other. So we may live and die fully alive.