2 Sam.11:26-12:13a; Eph.4:1-16  But the Truth Hurts?.  E/DC/GR  Aug 6/06

1. ?I can?t go into the restaurant.  Mary?s in there!?  A true story from the other side of the perimeter!  A conflict begun in church, can you believe that is tearing two communities apart?  It began around where and if a new church would be built ? of their own denomination, no less.  A lot of harmful words and hurtful actions have accelerated the conflict to this point.

2. Divisions in church, community, family, workplace, nation and world are as old as the day more than one person gathered together in one place!    Improving relationships is most often our dearest wish.  Are we looking in the right places?  Scripture can be most helpful.  Today?s reading from Ephesians summarizes some of Paul?s important teachings about how to live together well.  First of all, he says, encourage each other?s gifts.  Pretty evident that?s important.  What happens if we tell someone their way of doing things is wrong?  Discouragement.  Anger.  They likely won?t offer that again!  On the other hand I?ve seen a study group where we were asked to write about our own gifts and give feedback on what we see of others.  In that encouragement real growth in self worth and community occurs.  Or if someone is considering a change of work or the way they do their ministry in the church, another affirming their gift can be very enabling.  One trainer of lay ministry writes that God provides the tasks, makes us skilled ministers to do it, and in doing it, we receive a precious gift.[i]

3. Secondly, we are reminded Christ is the very center of our community.  Healthy, holy relationships happen in church, home and world, when Christ is the connector between me and each other person.  Imagine if I saw Christ between me and each other person each time I looked at or spoke to or touched them.  How would it change the quality of each of our relationships?  With a shared focus on Christ, who is the connection between each of us, we can radically change relationships.

4. And living together well requires certain characteristics that we see described in Ephesians.              i)Humility, that is seeing our true worth as a child of God, and each other person?s true worth as a child of God as well.  When we can do that we see we have nothing to hide, and nothing to brag about.  We can listen for the other?s wisdom, and add our own.  We can share our gifts because we recognize them, and honour the other?s gifts because we value them.

ii)We build strong relationships by gentleness ? being kind, amiable, generous.  We were struck the other night watching re-runs of the last episode of Mad About You of the importance of being gentle, or kind.  The writers jumped ahead to the future to a time when the husband and wife were separated.  The wife, Jamie says to a friend, ?You know I think I?ve changed.?  We used to be kind to each other.  I think I?ve stopped being kind.?  They had suffered various tragedies and stresses, like most people.  And in that pain, had caused a different pain in the breakdown of their marriage by forgetting a very inexpensive and renewable antidote - kindness.  Imagine how many relationships in family, work, church and nation could be improved by being kind to each other.              

iii)Patience ? the spirit that will never give up on someone,            but continues to see the good in each            person.  Many a teacher has been surprised years later when a note or letter tells them how their particular brand of patience and faith in the person got them through a tough patch.               iv)This love that we are called to in Christ, is unconquerable good will. Nothing that person can or will do will make us seek anything but their highest good.  Though they hurt us, we will only act with kindness.  You can see this is not just an emotion or feeling.  But a choice that requires strong will.  Choosing good will whether the other seems unlovely, unlovable or don?t like us.  It?s choosing to not be bitter or seek revenge but only the highest good.  It can suffer unpleasant people with graciousness and fools without complaint.                   

5. And as if this isn?t hard enough, Paul goes on, ?Speak the truth in love.?  Heavens knows it?s hard enough to speak the truth.  But we?re asked to go even further and speak the truth in love.  St. Swivens on the Slough was planning an exciting musical.  Terry and Chris, the directors were to choose who would sing which parts.  Lots wanted to try out, so they came and sang an audition piece.  As they listened, Terry?s head would shake back and forth and Chris? head would nod up and down.  Terry scowled.  Chris smiled.  When each person had finished singing, Terry would say, ?Why did you try out for that part?  It?s for a high voice.?  Or, ?You?ve got a low voice.  Forget it.?  Or, ?I needed earplugs!?  Each time Chris would hand them a note, smile and say, ?Thank you.?  Auditions were done and they hadn?t filled a single part.  They called for more auditions.  All the same people came back!

This time, Terry?s eyes got wider and Chris? smile got bigger.  When each person finished, Terry shouted, ?That was fantastic!?  Each person turned to Chris and said, ?Thank you.?  ?What?s up?? Terry finally asked.  ?You know how terrible you told each person they were??  ?Yes, they were.  I told them the truth.?  ?Yes,? said Chris.  ?And I suggested how they might improve.  Like the guy who wasn?t in tune.  Did you know he had a cold and couldn?t hear?  The woman with the low voice, I suggested she try in her own range.?  ?But I told them the truth,? spluttered Terry.  ?But did you tell them the truth in love??  By the end of the day, they had all the parts filled and created some new parts to include all the wonderful voices.  Speaking the truth, and speaking the truth in love can be quite different.[ii]

6. But it can be much harder, can?t it?  Nathan?s speaking the truth in love is what saved David.  Though David likely wouldn?t have thanked him at the time.  David?s life story is a series of highs and lows, like yours and mine.  This text is in some of the lowest times of his life.  David knows he has broken his marriage vows with Bathsheba, Uriah?s wife, and then had Uriah killed.  He tries to cover his actions.  It?s only when Nathan has the courage to condemn his king, that David dares to speak the truth, first to himself, and then to others.  He is genuinely remorseful and confesses publicly the destruction caused by his actions.  Only because of this is he able to go on to serve God as the king. Likely its what allows him to even survive personally, as he?s no longer living a lie.  Sometimes as individuals or communities we do things we know are wrong.  Then we try to cover up.  It takes someone with the courage to speak the truth in love to call us back to right relationship with each other and God.  We have a really hard time to do it, don?t we?  Even in friends and families.  We don?t want to hurt anyone.  But we actually hurt relationships in our families or churches or communities more because the issues never get addressed ? if we don?t speak the truth in love.

7. Do these teachings actually work?  What about the church we started off with?  You?ll be glad to know that a new priest had the courage to call together 4 people from each congregation.  And they had the courage to come together to try to brainstorm a solution and then to bring that suggestion to their communities.  Both communities voted for the solution.  And the separated couple from the TV show?  After some time the wife, who was painfully honest about her own failure to be kind, took the risk to reach out to her husband with a kiss.  He chose to respond.  They were able to begin the hard work to mend their marriage. 

8. Not all stories are happily ever after.  But when we encourage each other?s gifts, put Christ as the center of all relationships, act with humility, gentleness, patience, love, and speak the truth in love, we will build the relationships we?re called to by God.  We don?t do it alone.  God has been encouraging and empowering us all down through history.  Then Jesus Christ came and concretely showed us how.  And then sent the Spirit to enable us.  Thanks be to God.